never more than an arms length

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived." -Henry David Thorou


I have a feeling that most of us believe in 'sucking the marrow out of life.' There is something grotesque and daring in this phrase, that appeals to our desire to stand on top of the world, and not just simply dwell in it. We want to live like giants of humility, not moving in a gaudy and public way, but rather, strolling deliberately in the shadows of peoples lives-- in and out, in and out, in such a way that they cannot help but feel goosebumps, and the warm hot-chocolate presence that often stirs our blood. We are not our best when we escalate ourselves. We are at our best when we intervene with humanity as Robin Hood placing coins in the hat of a beggar. When we are alone in our rooms, at night when we can't fall asleep, we believe in these things. We believe in our capacity to love heroically over our capacity to strut villianously. We believe in sucking the marrow out of life, instead of sucking it out of the bones of others. We believe in quietly sounding our "barbaric YAWP over the rooftops of the world."

I know a man who lives this way, and has continuously motioned his heart in this direction for as long as I have known him. His name is Ben, and his YAWP is blazed with the brand of God.

Ben is an oxymoron of quiet loudness. He prays loudly and aimlessly, but with a quiet conviction. He sings loudly and off key, but with a quiet purpose. His love is louder than a passing el train, while the fruits of his service grow quietly under the tracks.

He lives most loudly in the places of the world that have been silenced. He raises the quiet darkness and brings in a beautiful light--to the roots of Africa, to the men and woman of disease, to the jobless, the loveless, and the lost. In all of his might, he "speaks for the trees because they have no tongues."

In the Gospel of Matthew we are told that our Lord has come that "we may have life, and have it to the full." What Ben has realized, (and what more of us should realize), is that oftentimes living life to the full looks very unlike this world. True life to the full contradicts our popular culture. It goes against some of our notions of happiness and our ideals of perfection. Because of this, true life to the full often looks awkward and absurd. It looks eye-opening and discomforting. This is because we are living on a new plane; not a plane seeking the approval of men, but a plane that seeks the crumbs from God's mysterious table.

Ben longs to live on this plane. He tumbles down the rabbit hole in hopes of uncovering the mysteries of God. He lives unabashed, cleaning his scars along the way. His pains have left perfections on others--molding them toward truth and filling them with hope.

His impression on me has been profound. Each day I am reminded of him. It almost feels as though he is never more than an arms length away.

the quoted:

''I SOUND MY BARBARIC YAWP OVER THE ROOFTOPS OF THE WORLD.'' -Walt Whitman

"I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues." --Dr. Suess