never more than an arms length

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived." -Henry David Thorou


I have a feeling that most of us believe in 'sucking the marrow out of life.' There is something grotesque and daring in this phrase, that appeals to our desire to stand on top of the world, and not just simply dwell in it. We want to live like giants of humility, not moving in a gaudy and public way, but rather, strolling deliberately in the shadows of peoples lives-- in and out, in and out, in such a way that they cannot help but feel goosebumps, and the warm hot-chocolate presence that often stirs our blood. We are not our best when we escalate ourselves. We are at our best when we intervene with humanity as Robin Hood placing coins in the hat of a beggar. When we are alone in our rooms, at night when we can't fall asleep, we believe in these things. We believe in our capacity to love heroically over our capacity to strut villianously. We believe in sucking the marrow out of life, instead of sucking it out of the bones of others. We believe in quietly sounding our "barbaric YAWP over the rooftops of the world."

I know a man who lives this way, and has continuously motioned his heart in this direction for as long as I have known him. His name is Ben, and his YAWP is blazed with the brand of God.

Ben is an oxymoron of quiet loudness. He prays loudly and aimlessly, but with a quiet conviction. He sings loudly and off key, but with a quiet purpose. His love is louder than a passing el train, while the fruits of his service grow quietly under the tracks.

He lives most loudly in the places of the world that have been silenced. He raises the quiet darkness and brings in a beautiful light--to the roots of Africa, to the men and woman of disease, to the jobless, the loveless, and the lost. In all of his might, he "speaks for the trees because they have no tongues."

In the Gospel of Matthew we are told that our Lord has come that "we may have life, and have it to the full." What Ben has realized, (and what more of us should realize), is that oftentimes living life to the full looks very unlike this world. True life to the full contradicts our popular culture. It goes against some of our notions of happiness and our ideals of perfection. Because of this, true life to the full often looks awkward and absurd. It looks eye-opening and discomforting. This is because we are living on a new plane; not a plane seeking the approval of men, but a plane that seeks the crumbs from God's mysterious table.

Ben longs to live on this plane. He tumbles down the rabbit hole in hopes of uncovering the mysteries of God. He lives unabashed, cleaning his scars along the way. His pains have left perfections on others--molding them toward truth and filling them with hope.

His impression on me has been profound. Each day I am reminded of him. It almost feels as though he is never more than an arms length away.

the quoted:

''I SOUND MY BARBARIC YAWP OVER THE ROOFTOPS OF THE WORLD.'' -Walt Whitman

"I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues." --Dr. Suess

Portrait of a Lady

Martin Luther King Blvd. (Atlanta, GA)

I take pictures. She dazzles. Not only does she dazzle, she sparks. She is an Independence Day sparkler. Mostly beautiful, something you would want to pantomime your name in the sky with. But a potential danger, when you forget to keep your fingers low to the tip. She lights up when she marches, and her steady fire ignites those next to her. Her flame holds injustice hostage. She burns its tips. I flash my film at her. I steady my hand so that it captures her look; the creases on her forehead that increase my pulse, and the tenaciously glinted eyes. A 'don't mess with me' smile. She leads a procession of five-hundred. One voice, a five-hundred toned pitch. "No Justice, No Peace!," they amplify. My peace is found in her step.

Emily Jean is a good woman. A phenomenal woman.

A poem for such a woman...

last night, yes
last night i
was moved to
know you, in the
way that your knees grind
against the floor when
you are pushing
hard for a prayer
that has no words
but only groans.
I hereby declare
that groans are
the new standard
English, the new
pledge of allegience
the universal
language of love,
the way to reach
the sun without
talking your way
around its revolution.
I revolute
that as my sun
rises, and as my
ocean guises, as
my moon pauses
for a glimpse
through your window
I will daily raise my alms to the wind
for you.
For you my dear.
For you there are
not enough words
per minute, tornadoes
without limit, a wise
man would not give
your reflection
a second thought.
I imagine he would
give his life for
mirror images.
Imagine if your
justice met my
pen. Would the
paper set afire?
Would the rich meet
their Maker? Would
the whole earth
temporarily groan
and shake for
liberation in the
face of a storm
of words that
professes nothing
but sheer joy, hope,
redemption and
a son and daughter
stepping in line
with gold, yellow
bricks, in a fancy
hopscotch toward
their beloveds
right hand.
To the alter we go,
I call us both to
the alter on a
Sunday in the old
brickwork shadow
of the resurrection
where as small
children we can
run on the felt
of the red carpet
to the foot of
the crosses feet.
I want to hear the
Heaven and Hell man
with all his might,
with his red curling
lip, to tell us to be
sent forth, to be
freed, to wheel
around and sprint
to the back of the
Sanctuary, punch
the golden doors
and stumble
into the grasp
of the light
where we may
proceed to fight
lions, slay pirates
or just simply wait
with hands held
for that light to
draw close and
affirm with
a million watts
that our hearts
are pure, that
our love is ripe,
and that with
us he is well
pleased.

The Ghost

Ghost: Good evening Brendan.
Brendan: Good evening Ghost.
Ghost: As you can see, I have a sheet pulled over my head, I float pretty easily, and I don't have a visible mouth. Overall, pretty typical.
Brendan: Yes, and your eye-sockets are black. Is that recessive?
Ghost: Probably.

Brendan: Say, Ghost, how can i become, you know...a ghost?
Ghost: Eek! Really? Because I could tell you.
Brendan: Yes please, Ghost.
Ghost: Well, in its most simplistic form, ghostostranism denotes the ability to remove yourself from a designated space, and still remain eerily present.
Brendan: How do you mean?
Ghost: Okay, so let's say you walk into an old farmhouse that's been inhabited by the same three horses...ahh, lets call them Frank, Billy, and Tyrone...for the past 12 years. All of a sudden blah, blah, blah, something happens and suddenly the horses are gone. Are you still with me?
Brendan: They were all mares?
Ghost: Yes, nevermind that. Anyway, don't you think that if you walked into that farmhouse even a week later, it would sort of feel eerily like the horses were still there? You know, their presence can still be felt kind of stuff?
Brendan: Yeah, I guess so.
Ghost: So that's the idea Brendan. Make your presence felt somewhere, and then become invisible.
Brendan: Hmm...can i get a white sheet? Actually, has anybody ever done a black sheet?
Ghost: Not since the original Star Wars came out.
Brendan: Oh.

Ghost: So, out with it already. What is your interest in ghostostranism?
Brendan: That's a fair question. Here is a mild answer: About a month ago I started this sort of web writing page with high ambitions. I guess the idea is to write about your life, and let people read it. I love to write, and am selfish enough to go on for days about myself, so i figured the cat would lap it up with no problems. But then i hit a snag. I realized that I have a million experiences from my first year in Philly, and not a clue where to begin. What is more, i am not all that inspired to write about myself at the moment...
Ghost: But you still want to write something.
Brendan: Exactly! It's like I want to be a ghost on my own web page! Instead of writing about myself, I want to write about my friends, my family, and that old man in blue jeans who was riding his bike in the rain today. I want people to be able to come on and read about themselves, and the other people in my life, so that they can know the people that i love and feel mutually encouraged.
Brendan: Get it???
Ghost: Got it.
Brendan: Good.
Ghost: Okay, so all that you have to do now is disappear. Sound good? Brendan? Hey, wait a second! Brendan? Brendan???!